From runner to gainer: a transformation story
A gainer short story about a former endurance athlete who discovers that going soft feels better than any personal best.
Short story. Fiction, written for the community.
For ten years my body was a tool. Half marathons, meal plans, every bite accounted for. I was hard, flat, disciplined, and secretly miserable. This story is about how I learned to want the opposite.
The crack in the plan
It started with an injury. Three months without running. For the first time in years I ate without counting. And something in me exhaled. The full belly after a big meal, which I used to experience as failure, suddenly felt like peace.
I noticed I was looking forward to the food, not to the run afterward. That I stood in front of the mirror and wanted to keep the first bit of softness over my belly, not train it away.
Saying it out loud for the first time
I didn't tell anyone for a long time. A former athlete who wants to gain weight didn't fit any picture. On Crave I typed it out for the first time. "I think I want to go soft, really soft." The reply came from someone who found exactly that beautiful, and all at once my wish wasn't a contradiction anymore, it was something someone could share.
The numbers turn around
I used to chase lower times. Now I chased higher numbers, and it felt strangely freeing.
- The first pair of pants a size bigger, bought with a grin.
- The athlete's belly giving way to a soft, round one that folded when I sat.
- The feeling of heaviness in the evening that I used to hate and now loved.
After eight months the hard body was history. I was fuller, slower, softer, and for the first time in ages I liked what I saw in the mirror. Not despite the weight. Because of it.
What discipline and letting go have in common
Both are a decision. It's just that one was always an escape for me, and the other feels like arriving. I don't miss running. I don't miss the person I had to be to belong.
If you're stuck somewhere between two pictures of yourself, that's okay. Take your time, talk to someone who gets it. A good start is Is feederism healthy? and, when you're ready, a profile on Crave.